Okay, so we were planing on driving to Utah for the last week in May. Kelvin got work off and we had it all planned. We were both excited to spend some time together since he had been working all month in Lufkin and we only got to see him on the weekends. It sure wasn't enough time together. So one night while we were on the phone I told him that if we had planned it better I bet I could have found a ticket to fly out to Utah the week before we were to drive since I was going to be home all by myself again anyways. He laughed and told me to look online to see what we could find. He didn't think anything of it because it was Wed night and he was sure that we wouldn't find anything in the next few days. Well, all of a sudden after a few minutes of playful looking, I found a great price for a one way ticket leaving on Friday morning (basically in a day and a half). I couldn't believe my luck!!
You see, for some time now I have been fighting the hardest battle I've ever fought. My postpartum depression has been SO bad. I had it after Lydia, but this was something else entirely! I was in a black hole and couldn't seem to get myself out no matter how hard I tried. I was miserable. My life was falling apart and my thoughts were getting worse and worse. I felt like I was losing control of everything. I found myself yelling at Lydia which I NEVER do, getting upset at everything, crying all day long and just basically wanting to disappear. I really, honestly, truly hated my life. For some people that is a hard thing to understand. I didn't talk about it because I knew that if I said the wrong thing to the wrong person I would hear something about how I needed to snap out of it. It came down to I really didn't know who to trust. Those who have never been to that level of darkness will never understand what it is. When I came clean to Kelvin about how bad it really was and what was plaguing my mind (I hadn't told anyone how bad it really is) he was shocked and I think a little scared for me. I knew what was happening which was a good sign but didn't want to go on the prescription medication I knew that my Dr would want me on. Plus then I would have to make an appointment and get a babysitter and it was an incredible chore just to get dressed for the day. Life was so hard and I longed for someone to grasp onto. Luckily, I had a friend in the ward, Mary Anderson, who just seemed to know that we needed to become friends. We ended up meeting at parks in the area about 2-3 mornings a week so our kids could play and we just talked. She got me outside doing things and I could feel the darkness start to fade a little. I wasn't crying quite as much. I wasn't quite as angry or upset about things. I never felt judged by her for an instant. In fact I ended up calling her half the time to go play which is a big deal for me. With Kelvin gone all the time and me at home with a new baby and demanding toddler, I was pretty isolated. It was so good to get in the sunshine and enjoy the last month of Spring.
So when we got the tickets to go Utah, I was so happy because I wouldn't be alone for 2 whole weeks. I hated being alone because that made things so much worse. I then called up my mom and gave her the info and she was so excited. I bought the tickets (we have to pay for Lydia now too) and then got a sitter to stay with the kids while I went and got some needed dollar store distractions and packed. Kelvin got home Thursday night and then drove us to the airport the next morning. It was hard for us to say goodbye after not seeing each other for a week. We don't do very well being apart. But the kids and I boarded that plane and off we went. The flight had a layover in Denver for 3 hours and I knew that it was going to be tough. I had prayed really hard the night before that the lord would put people on the plane to help out. I felt confident that everything would be okay.
The first flight went pretty well. Lydia had some trouble but it was mostly Jason who struggled on that flight. The lady sitting at the window was German and had 3 kids of her own so she was so wonderful and distracted Lydia while I was taking care of Jason. The flight attendants were awesome and so helpful too. The layover though was HARD! Three hours of entertaining a tired 2 year old while carrying a very heavy baby and our bags was not the greatest thing in the world. I did buy a backpack leash for Lydia so she could still run around and I didn't have to worry about losing her. I got some interesting looks but one lady actually stopped me and said that she thought I was a great parent for putting her on a leash. It was nice to hear. Most of the layover we spent riding the automatic moving walkways. Lydia was fascinated with them.
The second flight was a nightmare. The flight attendants were not very nice or helpful and just looked at me with that "why do people like that even fly" look. Luckily I was sitting next to the sweetest lady!! She was a grandma going to see her grand kids and was so kind as to let us have the window and middle seat so Lydia would have more room. When Lydia started getting really bad, she offered to hold Jason (I couldn't have him in the Bjorn during the flight for safety reasons). That was such a blessing because she ended up holding him the entire 2 hour flight. He fell asleep in her arms and she didn't mind at all while I took care of Lydia who screamed and kicked the whole time. The worst was the landing because Lydia wanted the tray on the seat down but you are supposed to have them up. Well she kept fighting and getting out of the seat to put it down and the flight attendants would just come yell at me to put it back up. I thought the flight would never end! But it did and we let everyone else get off first since we were in the back anyways. Imagine my great joy when I saw my dad standing at the gate to help us get to baggage claim. He took Lydia right off and my bags and I wanted to cry.
We were hungry so on the way home my dad bought us lunch. Poor Lydia was so exhausted that she fell asleep with a fry in her mouth. Hilarious. Matt loved it. We made it in one piece and it was SO good to see my family who all came over that night. Only one missing was my brother and sister in law Rich and Summer.
Oddly enough we have all be so used to Texas water that we got sick off the hard water Utah has. Poor Jason had it the worst and we had to give him some gripe water to settle his tummy. After a few doses of that he was good to go.
Tired little girl!
The second day we were there Matt pulled out his Captain America gear and Lydia thought it was pretty awesome. I love my little tomboy!
Matt and Jason relaxing after the long journey.
